


When we thought the Pain was over

by androgynousclintbarton



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2021-01-13 03:00:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21237044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/androgynousclintbarton/pseuds/androgynousclintbarton
Summary: Kakashi deals with the thought of Losing Gai as he opens the eighth gate of death to fight Madara





	When we thought the Pain was over

Gai had thought the conversation was over. His decision was made, there was no turning back.

This is what he had to do to protect the world.

To protect those precious to him. 

"No!" A hand snapped around his wrist, stopping him from moving forward. He didn't need to look back to know who it was, he could tell from the broken voice. "Gai, please…"

He hated hearing that usually calm and board voice turn to pleading. To begging for him to rethink this, to do anything else.

But there was nothing else to do, not this time. 

It was his time to make the sacrifice. His time to die, and it didn't matter how much the other man argued with him. 

But he wasn't going to be the one to leave without an answer. Without some sort of goodbye, so he turned to face the other Man once more and smiled that soft, broken smile.

The one no one ever saw. The one that he could only muster up as a cover, for those times when even he couldn't be strong anymore.

"Please…" mismatched eyes pleaded with him, begging him not to leave. Not to be another loss in Kakashi's life.

"Come here…" he gave his arm a tug, watching as Kakashi followed the pull easily and immediately released his grip on gai's wrist so that he could wrap his arms around his waist instead. 

He hated being the person to do this to Kakashi. To make him break out in the open, for everyone to see.

He hated being the one to leave, to confirm all those fears Kakashi always held about loving others. 

Fingers twisted into the fabric of his jacket, holding onto him for dear life as he leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of Kakashi's head. 

"I love you." He whispered, moving out of those warm loving arms before he could feel Kakashi's back stiffen. Before he had a moment to rethink everything he had already decided.

"Gai!" A desperate cry followed him as he hit the air, putting as much distance between himself and Kakashi as possible.

He would get over it, he always did. He always survived.

Gai's death wasn't going to be any different than all the others, there was no reason it should be. 

* * *

Everything hurt

His body, his heart, his soul. Every piece of him wanted to crumble, to finally cave in to the feeling deep inside of his gut that told him he didn't deserve to breath.

To love.

His fingers curled around the space that Gai had occupied just moments ago, his scent lingering in Kakashi's nose, his touch burning against his skin. 

Why?

Why did the universe want to take everything good from him? Why couldn't he keep just one thing?

One person?

"Kakashi…" his sensei's words fell on deaf ears. He didn't have the energy to listen to apologise or sympathies anymore.

He had been hearing them since he was six, and he thought maybe,

Finally,

He didn't have to hear then anymore.

It hurt to be wrong. 

He didn't care when the tears started to fall down his face. He had stopped caring years ago what people thought of him, what opinions they formed or expectations they had. 

All that mattered was the pain deep inside of his heart, twisting and stabbing at him as a fresh wound opened. 

"You promised…" his voice broke. He had fought so hard, struggled so much, why couldn't he have this one thing?

Why was the universe so intent on destroying him?

His knees gave out, crashing down into the cold hard ground with a painful thud.

Why had he gotten his hopes up? Why had he allowed himself to believe that this time would be different? That maybe, just this once, he could stay happy? 

Why did he have to keep hurting?

* * *

His entire body hurt, but they were done. The world was safe, Naruto and Sauske had figured their shit out, Sakura was taking care of them…

It was all ok again.

No, that was wrong.

He gave his head a shake.

Nothing was ok. Nothing would ever be ok again. 

The world was safe, that was what he wanted to say. The danger was dealt with, the infinite tsukuyomi had been broken, everyone was ok.

Well, everyone who hadn't died. 

Neji…

Obito…

Gai….

His heart hurt at the reminder. A dull ache, reminding him that he had nothing to go home to.

Nothing to celebrate.

"Kakashi Sensei." He turned his attention to Naruto, forcing himself to smile when he saw the worried look on his students face. "Everything's ok. We can take care of the rest. You should go find Bushy Brow Sensei."

He screwed his eyes shut, forcing the tears back. Forcing himself to stay strong for just a bit longer.

Just until he could get home. Until he could fix it all and rid the world of his curse. His pain.

His hurt. 

"Kakashi...Sensei." he could hear the worry in Sakura's voice, but it didn't matter. She'd be fine, they all would.

He could handle being another name on a grave stone, for once it didn't scare him. 

"You...you don't know?" It took all of his energy to open his eyes, looking at Naruto with confusion and hurt mixed in his eyes "bushy brow Sensei...he was almost gone when I got back but i…" 

His eyes widened when Naruto looked down at his hand. The hand that not long ago had held the symbol of the sun.

The hand that had healed his eye after the sharingan had been ripped out of its socket. 

It wasn't possible. It couldn't be possible, but a part of him wanted so desperately for it to be true. 

He didn't wait for further explanation, his feet moving before he could think. Leading him back towards the battlefield, back towards where he had seen Gai last. 


End file.
